


A Supernatural Dating Game

by lostinmymindforever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, dating show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2013-08-08
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:05:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam goes on a dating show to try and find love</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Show

The Scene: A brightly lit studio. Six men can be seen, two of them on one side of the garish purple curtain, the other four seated on the other side.

Sam Winchester sits in his chair looking a tad bit nervous as he absently plays with his tie. Balthazar stands next to him, oozing charm, looking as if at any moment he’s about to lay a big fat kiss on Sam’s face.

The four men seated on the other side of the curtain look a bit anxious and mistrusting, glaring at each other.

Music starts playing in the background and Balthazar turns to face the camera.

Balthazar: Good evening, Darlings do we have a special treat for you in store. Tonight we will be attempting to find this gorgeous specimen, Sam Winchester, the potential love of his life.

(Audience claps)

Balthazar: Let’s get to know a little about our contestants, shall we? Bachelor #1, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself?

Bachelor #1 (Lucifer): I run a large... organization you could say, with plenty of underlings who bow... I mean report to me.

Balthazar: Doesn’t he sound fascinating? Bachelor #2, how about you?

Bachelor #2 (Gabriel): Well I do a little of this and a little of that, but I am definitely the life of the party.

Balthazar: Oooh, very nice. Bachelor #3, how about you?

Bachelor #3 (Castiel): I don’t understand why you want me to answer these questions.

Balthazar: Moving on then. Bachelor #4?

Bachelor #4 (Dean): I'm an Aquarius, I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach and frisky... well you know the rest.

Balthazar: Those are our four contestants. Now on to the man of the hour. Sam, why don’t you tell us a little about yourself, Darling?

Sam (blushing): I’ve had a pretty bad track record dating, not from lack of trying so I figured why the hell not. Hmm, let’s see? I started the apocalypse? 

(the crowd gasps)

Sam (looking down): I’m just looking for that special person to spend my life with.

Balthazar (making aw faces): That’s just precious. Why don’t you ask our contestants some questions, Darling?

Sam: Bachelor #1, what is your goal when it comes to me?

Lucifer: I wanna be inside of you.

Sam: Well, being forward is always... nice. Err, Bachelor #2, describe your dream date.

Gabriel: Probably cuddles and candy in front of an open fire before we have a pizza and shoot a porn video.

Dean (growling): Hell no.

Sam (laughing a bit nervously): Hmm, very interesting. Bachelor #3, we’re stuck inside a locked room, what would we do to kill time until someone let’s us out.

Castiel (a confused look on his face): Why would we be stuck? I could easily get us out of the room. 

(the audience laughs)

Castiel: Very well, I’d give you a massage, working out all the kinks in your body.

Sam: Mmm, I love a man who’s good with his hands. Bachelor #4, we meet at a bar, give me the pick up line you’d use on me.

Dean (cocky grin on his face): Baby you know I know just what gets you off, how about we leave here and I’ll show you just how good I am.

Sam (blushing hard): Mm, yes, well then. 

Balthazar: Darling, we’ll let you think over your choice during the commercial break.

(Camera shuts off) 

Dean (glaring at Lucifer, Castiel, and Gabriel): If you touch my brother I'll kill you I swear! I'll kill you all. I will kill you ALL!

Gabriel (rolling his eyes): Sam gets to say who can touch him, Dean-o, not you.

Lucifer: Besides, everyone knows Sam is made for me.

Castiel: I don’t see why we’re here. Balthazar has already stated that I am Sam’s boyfriend, so this whole thing is pointless.

Balthazar (peeking his head around the curtain): We have to let Sam decide, Cassie. Can’t have that strapping lad having this forced on him.

Balthazar (turning towards Sam): You do know we could always just leave these fools here to stew.

Dean (rushing towards the curtain): You keep your hands off him you dick.

(security pulls Dean away from Balthazar, holding him in place until he calms down a bit)

(The director motions everyone back into their places)

Balthazar: Well then Sam, have you made your decision? Will it be Bachelor #1, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Ruler of Hell. Bachelor #2, Gabriel, Archangel, Trickster Extraordinaire. Bachelor #3, Castiel, The Angel with Too Much Heart. Or Bachelor #4, Dean Winchester, your soulmate, your big brother.

Sam (contemplative look on his face): I choose...


	2. Sam Chooses Lucifer

Sam: I choose Bachelor #1, Lucifer.

Lucifer (standing, fanning himself, overwhelmed with joy)

(the curtain is pulled back and Sam walks towards Lucifer, pulling him into a hug)

(fade to black)

(in front of a fireplace)

Sam and Lucifer are drinking wine, snuggling in front of the fire. Lucifer is feeding grapes to Sam, nuzzling his neck.

Sam becomes Lucifer’s new vessel and together the two of them rule Hell for eternity.


	3. Sam Chooses Gabriel

Sam: I choose Bachelor #2, Gabriel.

Gabriel (stands up and does a little happy dance, giving the other three a smirk before going to Sam)

(fade to black)

(in a large bed covered with pillows and silk sheets)

Sam is on his back, Gabriel sitting on his chest feeding him candy. In each corner of the room are cameras, Gabriel’s promise of filming a porn video with Sam having come true.

The two of them spend an eternity of Tuesdays getting the film just right.


	4. Sam Chooses Castiel

Sam: I choose Bachelor #3, Castiel.

Castiel (stands up and shakes hands with his fellow contestants)

(fade to black)

(an old, but well taken care of building)

Sam and Castiel are snuggled on a couch, Castiel resting his head on Sam’s chest as they look over an ancient tome. Castiel keeps pointing out words, teaching Sam how to say them in Enochian. For every right answer he give Sam a kiss, and for every wrong answer he pulls Sam over his knee and spanks him. Castiel sometimes thinks that Sam purposely gets answers wrong, but he doesn’t complain as it makes Sam smile.

Castiel stays with Sam for the rest of his life, holding him all night long as he sleeps, and after Sam passes on Castiel picks up where Sam left off, making the world a better place, as Sam would have wanted him to do.


	5. Sam Chooses Dean

Sam: I choose Bachelor #4, Dean.

Dean (walks past the others with a smug look on his face to Sam’s side, pulling Sam in for a scorching kiss)

(fade to black)

(in a field in the middle of nowhere, on a blanket under the stars)

Sam and Dean are curled around each other, hands and mouths mapping each others bodies. The only sounds to be heard is classic rock playing from the speakers of the Impala behind them and the sound of their voices whispering each others names.

They spend the rest of their lives as they had been. Saving people, hunting things, loving each other, the family business. When they finally pass it’s with each other, saving the world.


	6. Sam Chooses Balthazar

Sam: I choose Balthazar.

Balthazar (grinning)

(fade to black)

(inside some smokey den of debauchery)

Sam and Balthazar are intertwined in the sheets of the large bed they are one. 

It’s fast, kinky, and way too perverted to mention. The two of them end up fucking themselves to death.


	7. Sam Chooses all of them and they have an orgy

Sam: I choose, I choose... I choose all of you.

Lucifer, Gabriel, Castiel, Dean, Balthazar (all looking shocked)

(fade to black)

(on stage, the curtains pushed aside, chairs against the wall)

The six of them are in a naked pile, no one 100% sure who it is he is touching. None of them realize that the camera is still rolling and the director, Crowley, is watching the proceedings with a devious smirk on his face.

They end up having to preform this over and over again, just to stop Crowley from uploading the footage online. But none of them really complain about that arrangement.


End file.
